Chai Boys and the Iraqi Army

I spend much of my time with the Iraqi Army, and it is good. I learn about the culture, see how they do things and learn a bit of Arabic here and there.

But, there are some odd requests. One of the Iraqi officers learned I was on my way home in a few weeks, and asked me to look in on a medical issue for him. Sure, why not? He has ‘weak sperm’ issues.

Today on Things I Never Thought I’d Have to Deal With: weak Iraqi sperm.

No, I don’t know what to do with weak sperm. Eat an oyster? Would anyone trust seafood from the Persian Gulf?

At captain, Iraqi officer get all manner of perks. They must buy an office full of ostentatious and uncomfortable furniture. And, they get dedicated chai (tea) boys to answer their every whim. Most officers have a call button that will summon their chai boy at any moment. Push the button: Tea! Here comes some tea. Push the button: Dinner! A plate full of chicken, rice and goat balls.

These chai boys are uniformly…effeminate. Is this some sort of ancient Babylonian custom that strong men must be waited on by THIS GUY:



Yes, an actual chai boy. His name is Alicia (dead serious).

Here’s a custom the United States Army will NOT adopt. Every so often I sit in with the Iraqi colonel and there’s Alicia ready and able to provide tea and redecorate the office with something tasteful from Versace Dictator Furnishings.